A Break From the Kids

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This past weekend, TH did a wonderful thing – he took the girls on a road trip to visit his parents for one night, without me.

*Cue singing angels, slow-motion jog on a beach, Scottish cries of freeeeeeeeedoooooooooom…*

I packed them up, buckled them in, blew kisses to them as they drove off, and then very nearly shat myself, I was so excited. So much free time, so many things to NOT do! Where to begin? I, for one, began by going back to sleep – without the monitors. *Angels still singing, me flopping joyfully into my bed of fluffy pillows in slow motion, like Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady.*

I spent those amazing, glorious 32 hours with a good friend, lounging about the pool, getting burnt to a crisp and eating uninterrupted meals. And drinking margaritas. Lots of margaritas. Truth be told, I thought I'd miss the girls more than I actually did. Had their visit been longer, I probably would have started missing them, but one night? Jesus, that's just enough time to shave my legs and get wasted.

So anyways, MY weekend was glorious, but TH's… This was the first time he'd ever left the house alone with both girls at the same time, the first time he'd gone on a road trip with them sans Mama… I was a tad worried about him and how the experience would cause him to NEVER DO IT AGAIN. On the other hand, I was smug in the thought that finally he would see just how much more my job sucked than his. I know, I know, it's not a competition. I know that each job poses it's own challenges. Blah, blah, BLAAAAAHHHH. My job is fucking harder, end of story.

One of the things I love about TH is that he doesn't blow smoke up my ass – he tells me exactly what he thinks. Which isn't such a good thing when I ask him what he thinks of my web design (ME: "Do you like it?" TH: "Nope.") When I called TH on the phone and asked how he was, he answered with a very cool, "Oh, I'm in hell." He called around 3:30 on Saturday afternoon to ask if it was too early for bedtime. He only bathed one of the girls, because bathing both in an untested bathtub was too much. He fed them chocolate Pop Tarts for lunch and dinner. He let Nora run around my in-laws' house bare-assed the entire time. He had no idea when, where, or if either girl slept at all. When I would ask if they'd pooped, he'd start sniffing and looking around the room. It was like Lord of the Flies, except the adults on the island were all killed off by a preschooler and a one-year-old.

When they returned on Sunday afternoon, they all three looked like shit, and two of them smelled like shit (I'll let you guess which two). TH smiled and said, "Well, THAT was miserable. I can't wait to go back to work." On the upside, he had a very grateful and tanned wife.

So share with me: How does your husband handle the kids on his own?

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Permalink | July 28th, 2009

5 Responses to “A Break From the Kids”

  1. Gingermagnolia Says:
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    My ex-husband only did one thing alone with the boys – sports. I can’t imagine him ever taking them anywhere overnight by himself when they were that young.

    Yes, your job is harder, no matter what his job is.

  2. Shannon Says:
    July 28th, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    Considering I have the same job as TH and a small child, I can easily tell you that your job is harder. So much so that I went back to work 6 weeks before my maternity leave was actually up. And you have two little ones…

  3. Amber Says:
    July 30th, 2009 at 7:44 am

    Hmmm…so far Conner hasn’t stayed with Daddy alone for extended times. Oh but the day will come, oh yes it will!

  4. Tiffany Says:
    July 30th, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    Michael does a bit more TV with the girls, I try to do more playing dress-up and pretend, make up games, and do art projects. He does fabulously with just Camille. Everything but the hair. We’re working on the “both girls” thing. He’s generally great at it, but Talya’s at the age where all she wants is Mommy, Daddy simply won’t do, and she cries and cries and Daddy can’t figure out why. I pick her up, set her on my hip, facing outwards, and the world is peaches once again. Grrr. It will get better as she gets older. Hopefully – cuz Mommy wants her nights/weekends every so often, too!! (If not just both hands free….)

  5. Aly Says:
    August 1st, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    My husband can handle the kids pretty well. But, he’s been at it 6 years now. He does well enough that I went to Hilton Head for a weekend last month with my college roomates. That was 2 nights worth of margaritas, a day at the beach, 6 uniterrupted (wtf, how do you spell that word) meals, and not one shower where a 2 year old repeatedly opened and closed the shower curtain while I showered. The house was even picked up when I returned. But, like I said, 6 years… and it does get better as they get older.

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