You Had Me At “Scrotum”
Posted by admin | Filed under Insane in the MOMbrane, Just plain funny, No One But Your Mom, Uncategorized, Womanhood
A long time ago, I decided that the man I married had to make me laugh so hard I'd lose control of my bladder.
All women have a list of criteria for the man they marry: Smart, successful, attractive, blah blah blah. Sure, all of that is important. But to me, having a ridiculous sense of humor is essential. Back in my dating days, I usually nixed guys based on that single attribute. If a couple dates went by and he didn't make me laugh – and I mean really laugh, not fake ha-ha – then I'd lose interest.
At first, I thought TH was a square. We met in law school, and while he was unbelievably smart and good-looking, I really thought he needed the stick up his ass surgically removed. It wasn't until I spent some time with him (grudgingly) that I realized the dude was Funny. His sense of humor was dry and he wasn't a chucklehead, but my God he was hysterical.
It was love at first trickle.
And even though he does a shitload of stuff that drives me nuts (see last post), he reminds me time and again why I married him.
Last week, when we were driving back from his parents' house (a long, miserable, endless 3-hour drive), we were talking about pointless things, mostly to pass the time. The conversation started off blandly, but ended with me begging him to pull over at the nearest gas station, I was laughing so hard.
We'd been talking about how there was a job for everything – a person who boxed chocolates for a living; a person who made metal doo-dads for this, plastic doo-dads for that; a person who spent the whole day putting frosting eyes on a bear cookie… You get the idea, right? So we're talking about this, just trying to keep ourselves from falling asleep, really, when a big truck (this is Texas, after all) zooms past us. As it growled past us, we noticed it had testicles. You know, those chrome balls for trucks. I can think of only one type of person who would go out and purchase a pair of nuts for his truck, and it's not the kind of person I'd want to hang out with. It's actually the kind of person I'd enjoy running over repeatedly with my car. It's the same kind of person who'd stick a Confederate flag to his back window.
Anyhoo, TH said, "There's even a person who manufactures and sells truck testicles for a living."
ME: "You think they say 'I make truck testicles' if you ask them what they do for a living? Or do they try and make it sound like they do something so technical we wouldn't understand?"
TH: "Yeah, they probably say they're in the 'vehicular scrotal industry.'"
VEHICULAR SCROTAL INDUSTRY.
Nora and Ava, who were sitting in the back, watching Elmo, almost started crying because Mama wouldn't stop laughing. Not just that, she was screaming at Dada to pull over.
Tell me that's not hysterical. Ok, fine, I'm easily amused. But it works out well for TH – except that I ruin carpets, leather seats, etc. Poor bastard can't take his family anywhere without a change of clothes for his daughters AND his wife.
Happy Monday, people.
Tags: balls, dating, humor, nuts, pee-pee, single, TH, truck testicles
Because I Should Work at Hertz
Posted by admin | Filed under Insane in the MOMbrane, Just plain funny, Womanhood, vintage ads
A vintage ad, since I'm trying to keep myself from writing about the pathetic drama that is my "neighborhood." No, don't ask, just read the goddamn ad.
Page One:
Page Two:
Photos by Lobstar28 via Flickr.
I don't know about you, but I would love to meet the dudes who came up with this ad and kick them in the nuts. Repeatedly.
Tags: ad, ads, Hertz, nuts, vintage ad
