The Crazies

Posted by admin | Filed under Depression, Insane in the MOMbrane, Motherhood, Stay At Home Moms, Uncategorized, Womanhood, parenting, schizo

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I am a desperate housewife.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate those words? Individually, they suck. Together, they suck worse. I mean, they are totally offensive together. I cringe admitting that I am, in fact, desperate. And because I hate the word "housewife" so much, I will go with "home economist." I am a desperate home economist. Ahem.

Fuck.

So here's the story, in brief: I went off my happies, a bunch of shit happened at once (including various illnesses that included my girls and me puking together in unison) that would have driven a normal, sane human being to the brink, and I went on birth control pills. Now, I will address each of those shit-storms separately:

1. I went off my happies. Aka, my happy pills. What? I thought I'd be fine without them. And I was, until….

2. A bunch of shit happened. Where do I start? The holidays. I'm not sure when the holidays were considered fun, but they have become a fucking nightmare at this point. Suicide rates are apparently high during the holidays, and while I hear it's because lonely people feel even lonelier during the season of cheer, I think it's parents of small children deciding they simply cannot take it anymore. My parents were meddling in my parenting and heaping guilt on me and TH, my kids were throwing tantrums because I wouldn't let them have yet ANOTHER candy cane for dinner, no one was sleeping in his/her own bed… Additionally, we all caught a nasty, snot-ridden cold (I'm still snotting from said cold) AS WELL AS a violent stomach bug. Snot for Christmas, puke for New Years. Oh, it was fun. I was sleeping in the same room as Nora, trying to puke quietly into a bucket so as not to wake her. God, I wish I was making that shit up.

3. I went on birth control pills. Look, my periods are wacky, and I will absolutely go INSANE if I get pregnant. So all these women are on the Pill, telling me it's fine, and oh, it's the lightest, bestest one around, so I said, OK! Let's do this thing. Bring on the hormones.

Huh.

In hindsight, I should not have gone off my happies during the holidays AND started BCPs. You're right, you're right. I set myself up.

But Jesus Christ on a cracker, if I could have videotaped myself yesterday. I was a raving lunatic, a deranged person. I was snapping at my girls for little things, ripping into TH like there was no tomorrow, throwing a fit because I got in the shower only to find that I’d run out of soap and had to get out, dripping wet, and rummage through the cabinets… My girls heard me say the word “motherfucker” at least twice, and if they grow up to need therapy, it will be because of yesterday, I swear.

Can you say INTERVENTION?

I think TH tried, by coolly asking if I was going to go Andrea Yates on his ass, and as you can imagine, that didn’t help things.

Men.

Anyways, I am doing much better today, thank you. I am getting some writing done, actually put some makeup on this morning, and I am wearing clean clothes.

It’s the little things.

That being said, I’m attacking my doctor soon.

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Permalink | January 6th, 2010

6 Responses to “The Crazies”

  1. Amber Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Oh my my my! It sounds like you have been loving life! I still love “Jesus Christ on a cracker”.
    1. I don’t understand why every grandparent feels the need to lay out to you (and me) how much we suck as parents. And ask questions about our every decision. GRRR!

    2. I haven’t gotten back on BCP so instead I get to smell like condoms (if that makes you feel any better).

    3. You are still beyond HOT even without make-up or clean clothes.

    And I still love you, crazy and all :D

  2. Johanna Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 11:43 am

    It’s about damb time! I was starting to feel like a stalker, checking this site every few days like a crackhead searching for a fix.

    Put your foot down… no travel during the holidays. It keeps me sane, and I was shocked to learn that everyone was willing to come to me! I’m looking into Mirena and other things. I’ll let you know what my research turns up.

  3. Steph Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    you know, at least you have an explanation for your actions. I do not.

  4. Laura Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    My IUD= 0 personality changes, no periods and 0 babies. It’s awesome.

    p.s. there was a period when I was doing my PhD and Aidan was about 2 and I was staying at home other than school and I was about a minor disaster away from moving out of the country one day and leaving everyone and everything behind.

  5. admin Says:
    January 7th, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Amber – I love you, too. Should we reveal our love to our husbands? I’m tired of hiding.

    Johanna – waiting for the Mirena review. And by having everyone come to me, does that require me to play hostess? Because I suck at that.

    Steph – I only happen to have an explanation this time around. Usually I’m just crazy.

    Laura – so you keep telling me. I am dubious. I think you may just be a lucky, lucky bitch who found something that worked. I would probably grow facial hair or something.

  6. Leigh Says:
    January 9th, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    I *also* decided to throw a chemical wrench in my holiday experience this year. Oy, what a rookie mistake.

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