You Know You’re The Mom of a Preschooler When…

Posted by admin | Filed under Insane in the MOMbrane, Just plain funny, Motherhood, Preschoolers, Uncategorized

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You tell time by Noggin and PBS: Super Why – WHY am I awake? Sesame Street – Jesus, Joseph and Mary, is it only 9 in the morning??? Caillou – watching that bald-headed little bitch instead of taking a nap, goddammit. Max and Ruby – someone shoot me. Immediately. The Backyardigans – So…. close….

You have to hide in the closet to eat anything that contains sugar.

A hot guy checks you out and you assume you've tucked your skirt into your panties / left your fly open / have an entire lunch salad in your teeth / have feces on your shirt. Or all of the above.

The catchiest tune you hear all day is the "Rescue Pack" song from Go Diego Go.

You actually start salsa dancing every time you hear the "Rescue Pack" song.

You say you're going to the "potty" regardless of who you're talking to.

The productive part of your day starts at 8 pm.

You've started to understand your own mom, and finally get why she had this permanent scowl on her face the whole time you were growing up.

You hear women with tiny babies talk about how much they love being mothers and you can hardly contain your mirth.

That woman with the screaming kids at the grocery store? Not only do you sympathize with her, you bitch slap anyone who complains about her. That is assuming "that woman" isn't actually you.

Your default response to every request is either "No" or "(Fuck) no."

Everyone you know has seen your boobs. While you were dead sober.

You can actually hear your brain cells dying as you play "tea party" for the 16th time in two hours… They're begging you… to stop…. Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaase….

Ok guys, what am I missing?

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Permalink | September 22nd, 2009

13 Responses to “You Know You’re The Mom of a Preschooler When…”

  1. Belle Says:
    September 22nd, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    Hahah! Whenever I babysit and raid the pantry (because that’s what babysitters do. We act like we’ve been deprived of food for the past year and this is our only opportunity to eat.), I always wind up eating the candy I find in the pantry or around some sneaky corner. Does this make me a mom? :)

  2. Nel Says:
    September 23rd, 2009 at 7:14 am

    Shoot. Am I going to start to understand my mother?? Oh god.

  3. almostaraider Says:
    September 23rd, 2009 at 8:28 am

    You finally understand why **your** mom was Sooooo freaking happy when school started.

  4. Sarah Says:
    September 23rd, 2009 at 10:53 am

    This has to be the most comprehenisive list EVER. “that bald-headed little bitch”!!! I KNOW. I despise that kid! I have no idea if it’s a boy or girl, either. My kids even think I’m crazy, but I can’t keep from shaking my ass every damn time they play the “rescue pack” jingle. It’s the only even remotely worthy thing on the channel. Bitch slapping the other shoppers – high five! And I just look at my kids and they walk away mumbling “mommy said noooo…” or when it’s called for…”mommy said FUCK nooo….”

    Well. Maybe not so much the fuck part, but I’m THINKING IT.

    My mom was good at this stuff. I’ll never understand her. It’s kind of like her one flaw, really.

    I think around here, it’s how going to the library is now equal to either a night out with my best girlfriends OR accomplishing some major personal goal, depending on how the day was going overall, and who came with us.

  5. admin Says:
    September 23rd, 2009 at 10:59 am

    Sarah – I TOTALLY meant Rescue Pack! I get confused between Diego and Dora. The rescue pack song is awesome. I actually may put it on my iPod. God I’m a loser.

  6. Brianna Says:
    September 23rd, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    You know you’re the mom of a preschooler when… “why” becomes a dirty word. (Seriously, if my oldest asks me “why?” one more time today… this week… this MONTH… I’m going to shoot someone.)

  7. La La Says:
    September 23rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    This is why I love reading “Mommy” blogs. Every time I start to miss my kids since they left for college I can read you guys and rejoice all over again. (doing empty nest dance)

  8. Gingermagnolia Says:
    September 23rd, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    You never stop calling it “potty.” Sorry.

  9. Johanna Baker Says:
    September 23rd, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    You sometimes forget that the babies aren’t around, and keep narrating your day… to yourself. “Mommy’s going to make something to eat… yum, yum” like a fucking crazy person. Or even worse, calling the husband “daddy” when the kids aren’t around. Oops!

  10. Shawna Says:
    September 24th, 2009 at 6:47 am

    If I hear the G.I. Joe song one. more. time. I can’t get it out of my head, all day, even when I am at work with my headphones on listening to all the songs that contain a “Parental Advisory” in my playlist as loud as possible. Yo Joe! GI Joe…a real american hero…GI Joe is there, he’ll fight for freedom where ever there’s trouble, GI Joe is there…GI Joe…. Your welcome for that.

  11. Coco Says:
    September 24th, 2009 at 10:30 am

    When you just buy them whatever they’re screeching for so you can get through the damn checkout line, already.

  12. Amber Says:
    September 25th, 2009 at 4:39 am

    HHHHEEEEEEYYYY!!! I haven’t seen your boobs! Feeling quite left out :(

  13. mommiebear2 Says:
    September 25th, 2009 at 7:52 am

    This is hilarous because it is oh so true!

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